A Night At The Cullen's
by Death-Of-Angel
Summary: These are the stories about the Cullens when its night and have nothing to do. Each night there is drama and humor
1. Chapter 1: Kiss Kiss!

A Night at the Cullen's A/n: ok this was an impulse story I thought just totally random tell me what you think and i might make it into a series.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything so don't sue me! Enjoy!

It was past midnight and nessie fell asleep in my arms she looked so angelic I didn't want to wake her. I put her in Edward's old room .she stirred but did not wake. I went to get her a blanket .when I came back Emmett, Rose, Alice, Edward, and Jasper were all sitting around frowning. I came down the stairs and went at Edward's side instantly.

"What's going on?"I asked

"We are bored Bella" Alice said with a pout on her face.

"What should we do?"Rosalie asked

. "Let's play a game!"Emmett boomed

"Oh like what!"Alice chimed in.

Everyone went into deep thought I looked around. Alice looked as if she was in deep concentration. I knew she looking in the future and she beamed at Emmett. Edward chuckled.

"Good idea Emmett!!"She exclaimed. Emmett looked smug Edward was still chuckling

"What?"I asked

"WE ARE PLAYING TRUTH OR DARE!!"Emmett boomed

"No we are not" I said calmly

"Yes we are "Emmett and Alice said together

I groaned everyone got up and sat in a circle. It was a circle of the most inhumanly people ever .Me then Emmett Jasper then Rose then Alice then Edward.

"Ok who first?"Emmett asked, and he turned to jasper, he put his index on his chin deep in thought.

I looked and rose looked bored, and Alice and looked paler then ever and Edward roared with laughter.

"Oh no…"jasper murmured. This can't be good. I thought

"Ok I dare you to take off your shirt and go in the middle of the woods and yell 'I AM TARZAN' so loud that the people in forks even hear you "he said surely

We all roared with laughter. Jasper looked at Emmett murderously for a moment then stood up and shrugged off his to show a very muscular body

"Why the shirt?"He asked honestly curious

"For my own enjoyment" he answered simply

"Yeah you just want to see ALLLLL of this "he called over his shoulder as he went out the door. We burst into laughter. Then we all were silent. Waiting. "I AM ….TAAAAAARZAN!!!"

Surely forks could here that .Hell Canada could hear that. We were rolling on the floor laughing when he walked in proudly and sat back down in his originally spot. When we were finally calmed down, probably by jasper. It Was Alice's turn she actually looked scared of Emmett so I decided to help her.

"I'll dare her time Emmett you need a break" I said. Alice relaxed .Emmett frown and slouched back.

"Ummm…"I thought. Knowing that she would know what the decision would be at that moment so I flipped through possibilities. And she looked confused so did Edward. My decision was made, Alice gasped in horror Edward was chuckling softly and mumbled 'like that's gonna happen'

"Oh it will "I said softly then more loudly "ok Alice obviously you know your dare. Chop, chop."I waved my hands encouraging her.

"What was it" jasper asked cautiously.

"You'll see "I said coolly and sat back. Waiting

"I hate you Bella!!How could you do this? To your own sister?" she called from the room upstairs

She came down the stairs frowning. I dared her to wear an outfit from the good will bag. Everyone was stunned in to silence. Suddenly Emmett's booming laugh filled the room.

"Looks good on you Alice" said Emmett She opened her mouth then closed and a she said was ''next'' and sat down obviously calmed down by jasper. Jasper was looking at Emmett and Alice was looking at me obviously looking for revenge. But who first? Then they turned to each other and whispered quickly then turned back to us looking mischievous.

"Ok this one is for the both of you guys…"Alice trailed off .Edward was choking with laughter I rolled my eyes. It can't be that bad, can it?

"We dare you two …. KISS!!" everyone was rolling with laughter even Edward and Rose. But Emmett and I were frozen.

"You know I actually do think vampires can have strokes. "She murmured quietly then more loudly "ok guys pucker up!"

We both growled, Alice and jasper and Alice stood

"ok we can do this the easy way are the hard way" jasper said wringing out his limbs I didn't budge I didn't even want to look at Emmett. Alice came behind me and took me by my shoulders and jasper took Emmett's. They were moving us together I sensed Emmett at least three inches away.

"1, 2…3"Alice said as our lips crashed together. Three seconds later they released us and we shoot back animatedly. Everyone was rolling with laughter. Emmett and I exchanged glances and charged toward jasper and Alice .we was shooting around the house. Eventually everyone was .we were literally bouncing off the damn walls!

"What is going on here?" esme's voice boom from the door way. We all paused. We were in a lot of trouble. "Party over" Emmett said "It was Emmett's fault he started it" everyone began blaming him. He was stunned into silence.

Esme shook her head and left the room" clean this up" she called over here shoulder. Magically everyone disappeared leaving only Emmett standing there dumb folded.

Emmett cursed.


	2. Chapter 2 : Can I Have Your Number?

A Night at the Cullen's 2- can i have your number?

a/n :thx for the response to number 1 it was really a one shot story on an impulse but you guys inspired me

. Disclaimer: I do not own anything! Don't sue me! Enjoy!

We were all sitting around watching nessie finger paint. We were all fascinated it was about 11:30 she did not want to sleep so we did not push her. There was a nasty stench in the air and was getting closer. Jacob. Nessie shot up and ran into is arms. We all applauded her agility. She almost knocked him down. Rose got up pinching her nose. Jake rolled his eyes and refocused on nessie.

"So Jake you not running?" I asked casually

"Nah" he said. He didn't look up he was fixated with nessie

I sighed and went sit next to Edward. He welcomed me with open arms. I gleefully crawled into them. He nuzzled my neck. I would have blushed if I was human.

"I'm bored" Emmett complained.

Everyone shot him a deadly glare. Except Jacob he looked at us confused.

"Don't ask" I said and shuddered at the memory. Those words he just said caused things that would haunt me for the rest of my eternal life.

"What happened!" he excitedly he was very intrigued. Everyone looked like they were about to explode with laughter. Every except Emmett and I of course.

"Bella and Emmett got pretty hot and heavy last night" Rose said every one burst in to laughter Jacob was the hardest.

I growled. Esme and Carlisle were frozen. "Is that why you were bouncing off our walls?" she asked still stunned.

"It was a dare! " I pleaded. Yet they still laughed. I sighed I nudged jasper who was chuckling and gave him a pleading look and he nodded the rooms atmosphere was calmed down. I sat back. Edward was still smiling at the memory.

""Do you really think you should be smiling? "I raised an eyebrow to him.

"You would not leave me even if you tried" he growled into my ear. I rolled my eyes. "Anyway I really am bored" Alice said sincerely Emmett opened his mouth then closed after the looks we gave him.

"Let's go out "Alice suggested excitedly Rose and Alice started bouncing and clapping. And it got scary when Emmett joined and started squealing in a high pitched voice sending vibrations throughout the house.

"O.m.g I can't wait to do my hair and pick and outfit and …"he said going up the stairs still hoping and clapping. We sat there gaping at what we saw. Then there slow movement. Then everything went back to normal.

"Ok…" Alice said then grabbed my arm and began leading me upstairs I gave her a confused look "I know you have clothes at home but really do you just want to get dressed and undressed?" she asked.

Edward mumbled "I do "

"Where doing it my way" she said simply, ignoring him

"Oh joy "I said ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Five minutes and a gazillion outfits later we reappeared we all wearing similar outfits. Short black dresses. Simply and sassy. They boys were already dress and were sitting around like they were waiting for a century.

"How come they got off so easy?"I complained I felt ridiculous. She shrugged.

"Where are we going?" jasper asked

"A club in port Angeles" she replied knowing. I was to tired to object I went to Jacob "Can you stay the night? "I asked knowing the answer

"Yup" he beamed at me and continue playing with nessie.

"Ok, ok, ok let's go" she and Rose danced out the door we all followed glumly after them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Once in the car we sped down the streets.

"What are we going to do when we get there? obviously not drink" I said

"We should have a bet" Emmett suggested

"On what" Rose asked

"How many numbers we could score" Emmett said

"Interesting "Alice said while I was gapping I looked at Edward for help he was smiling "guys against girls?"

"Awesome game on "he boomed as we parked

"This is gonna be so fun yay" Alice said

"Nay" i said quietly"

"What's happens if you win? "Rose asked We stopped and thought.

"losing team has to go on a triple date with one of their numbers" Alice declared

"Ok agreed we commence back here at 12:30" and with that it began. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ We walked in I was nervous. It reeked of alcohol. We separated I went to sit at the bar. It started immediately. "Hi came I buy you a drink" that's how all of them started.

I put on my cutest face" no thanks but your number is just fine" After about 10 minutes I got up it started to look like a line was forming I went to find Alice. I found her getting a number and walk away when she saw me.

"How are we doing?"She asked. I held up the fat roll of paper her eyes widened and held up and identical roll.

"How much longer?"Rose complained coming to us.

"10 more minutes "I informed them

"Then we shall kick it up a notch" Alice said. We gave a confused look and she looked around and pointed and we got it we were soooo gonna win ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 12:30 sharp we went out side we didn't see the boys. I sighed and let my shield down to call Edward.

_I know you're having a great time Eddie but times up if stay there any long we will foul you guys_. I thought to him

Before I finished the boys walk out with smug looks on their faces. We rolled ours eyes and went to the cars. We drove faster then usual in antipation. We entered the house quickly. Jacob was holding nessie as she slept stroking her hair. We went straight in to the dinning room. We cleared off the table and began counting.

"67" Edward said proudly

We laughed and we said all said "106"

"How-how…"Emmett said I said

"well you said we had to get numbers …you didn't say it had to be all from

guys "and with that we got up and smiling."Have fun on your dates" I called over my

shoulder.

They stood there mouths open.

Then Emmett said "that is hot"


	3. Chapter 3: snort snort snort

A Night at the Cullen's 3 - snort snort snort

Disclaimer: I do not own anything! Enjoy!

After a night of mocking and gloating, the boys called up their dates glumly. I personally found it hilarious, but Edward has been giving me daggers for the past twelve hours. Emmett's date was Samantha, and she had a high nasally voice and just hearing it made you frail and every time she laughs it came out "snort ,snort ,snort". Jasper's was Estelle, and she spoke extremely fast and was really in your face. Good thing he was a vampire. Last but not least there was Edward's, Janelle she was a too little touchy for my taste, but Edward will handle him self I know he will. Tonight is the night. Alice rose and I couldn't be more ecstatic about tonight, not only the boys are going to go through hell but we were going too…secretly…

-Flashback-

They just finished their calls sorrowfully, and plopped down next to us on the couch pouting. They have been begging for us to relinquish the bet, we kept saying no.

The boys shared a glance and their face went thoughtful for a moment, they got to leave.

"You really want us to be alone with these girls?" Emmett asked in his most stern voice I ever heard from him and they left.

I did not know if they meant about their self control of their significant bloodlust, or just that there may be a attraction between them I went over the girls in my head and shook my head .No, no there won't…

I looked at Alice and rose and they actually had worry on their face. I scoffed at them and they looked at me with questionable eyes.

"Maybe we should not make them go…"Alice said slowly

"Maybe we should not let them go alone "I corrected smiling mischievously.

"How will we get away with" Alice said pointing to her head I looked at her incredulously and pointed to myself smiling…

-End of Flashback

I could not wipe the cheesy grin that was shameless plastered all over face, as we heading to the Cullen house. They boys were already ready. We walked in-well I skipped- into the living room, to see Alice and Rose in the similar state as myself. I went over to them and sat down.

We smiled sweetly to the boys; their returning smiling weren't as pleasant. I shrugged it off.

We needed them out so we can prepare. "Its almost 9 you should not keep them waiting" I scolded Emmett muttered something I didn't catch and the head out the door.

I gave Edward a kiss before shooing him out the door as well As soon as they left the premises we raced upstairs we came down dress in all black. Spyware.

We stood in front of the house to go over our plan.

"Camera?"Alice asked "Check "I said

"Walkie talkies?" "Check?"I didn't know why we needed them

"Shield?"

I rolled my eyes" check, let's go!" and with that we were on our way. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ We walked into the movie theater cautiously. We spotted them going into the 6th theater. It was a scary movie. How original.

We brought our tickets and went to the food court for our props. We wanted to wait until to room was dark just in case. everything. Once we heard the announcer say the movie was about to start we walked in. They were sitting in the middle. We sat 5 rows behind them. It was a good hearing distance and the boys won't be able to smell us.

They were silent for a while. So we just observed. Emmett looked close to tears. If that was possible. I felt jasper send a wave of calm through the area, probably trying to keep his date at bay. Edward looked like he was in actual pain, every time his date touched him he would stiffen. We were already having difficulty holding back laughter. "So… Emmett will you be scared?" Samantha asked

"Uhh…I hope not" he replied

For some reason she laughed, the whole theater was filed with 'snort, snort, snort 'the guys looked horror-stricken. Rose, Alice and I roared with laughter. I cursed and pulled them on the ground before we got caught.

After what felt like an eternity Alice gave us the heads up. We sat in our seats again and continued to follow the conversation.

"So Eddie …how far do you live?" she asked seductively her hands trailing up his arms. I made a gagging sound.

"Far" he said in tone saying he wasn't interested. I smirked.

Alice was perched on her seat it was obviously jasper's turn. "so-jasper-do-people-call-you-jazz-or-jazzy-jasper-is-such-a-old-time-name-speaking-of-old-how-old-are-you-you-look-19-20-21-22-hmm-well-it-doesn'tmatter-most-peoples-names-are-normal-like-micheal-or-richie-or-BOB!!...". Jasper was staring at her in shock we all were and she was still going

. After about ten minutes she shut up and they watched the movie. A while later the girls excused their selves and went to the restroom .I turned to rose and Alice and we shared a look and got up to follow them.

We pretended to wash our hands and look in the mirrors as we recorded their conversation. "So how do you like your guys"

Sam asked "Emmett is really funny and cool they all are but kinda scary hmm…I like that" she said and they continued their conversation on their way out if the bathroom.

I turned to Alice and Rose and asked "phase two?" I asked They nodded. Good

Phase two: Corruption ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ We all moved our seats farthest away from them so we couldn't be caught. We got our 'props' and took our seats. Alice looked at me and I nodded encouragingly. First victim:

Edward Cullen

She got a quarter sized piece of candy and flung it directly at Edward. The girls screamed and were shushed. He looked around frantically but suspected no one. We were vibrating violently with laughter. We changed our seats again for our next victim. Jasper Hale

Rose flung a piece of ice at him and he looked murderous we sunk down in our seats laughing. After five minutes it was time for our last victim.

Emmett Cullen

I took the liberty for this one I took a huge hand full of popcorn a flung it blindingly fast at his head . "WHAT THE HELL!!!"He said in a monotone that nearly scared the crap out of me, he looked quite scary at this point.

They shushed him and he growled everyone grew quiet. We had to go before them found us out after ten minutes we snuck out.

We ran outside laughing so very hard. We ran home to kill all the evidence and get ready for them. I got impatient so texted him.

_Fr: Bella To: Edward How's it going when are you coming home Bella_

_I waited for a good 10 seconds then my phone buzzed_

_Fr: Edward To: Bella Were on our way now, it was weird someone kept screwing with all night Edward_

Five minutes later them burst through that door looking like hell came. They went to us and curled up in our laps and pretended to cry.

We laughed and got up and stood in front of them. "I guess your night wasn't so hot" Alice began

"So we have a gift for you" Rose continued through their confused looks.

"This is what we did tonight!"I finished

We set everything up and pressed play after a few minutes they were shocked into silence. We went to the bathroom scene and they looked ill.

We let it play and we excused our selves so they wont try to kill us when they found out it was us corrupting them. Then we heard it "IT WAS THEM!!" they all yelled

As soon as we they watched Emmett's loud boom "WHAT THE HELL" they got up and began looking for us.

Uh -oh

To my surprise they didn't come for us they went into the kitchen and I heard shuffling. We went down the stairs cautiously. They hand full of food.

Wha? ...oh….OH CRAP!!!

Suddenly Alice yelled "RUN!!!"

We all separated and soon enough them house was covered in all this crap. I felt sorry for the s. that had to clean this up.

When I thought it was safe I came out the closet. Literally Emmett came at out of no where and lunged at a flipped out of the way only to hear a huge crash. There was a huge Emmett shaped hole in esme's wall. Everyone froze .Emmett laughed like a maniac.

"Esme is gonna be pissed!"I accused. Sounding like a 5 year old

We heard their car approach we all ran out the kitchen into the living to play in cool. "Hello" they greeted us from the doorway.

"Hey" we murmured

She went to the kitchen She dropped to her knees and screamed bloody murder" MY WALL!!!NO!!!.... WHY!!?"

Carlisle shook his head and went upstairs and muttered" every time we leave them alone every freaking time…" We all looked at each other while Esme was still screaming in the background.

Then Emmett started chuckling .we all looked at him incredulously.

"What "he asked .he rolled his eyes and muttered "Samantha would have found it funny."


	4. Chapter 4: Did He Just Say That?

A Night at the Cullen's 4- did that just come out his mouth

A/nok here's another story that popped into my head when I was looking for a pencil (idk lol) here you go.

I still don't own anything…enjoy

It was the day after the whole movie then wall had just finished fixing the wall after esme's psychotic episode. I have to admit she looked quite scary scolding us I kept imagining at one point she yell out ''no more wire hangers!!''.

We were all sitting in the living room mentally exhausted, when Carlisle and Esme came down stairs. They stepped into the room. "

Ok as your punishment you guys can't leave the house so technically you are grounded" and with that they left. We stayed there stunned for at least ten minutes.

Jacob strolled into the living room to find us looking like death had come and gone. He sat done confused.

Silence.

"Where's nessie" he asked "Sleeping" we all answered some what disappointed. He nodded

Silence.

"ok" he got up" I'm just gonna raid your fridge" he said as he went in to the kitchen.

When he got we had not moved an inch. "Really what's going on" he asked his mouth full

"We're grounded" Emmett grumbled sounding like a sulky 4 year old. Jacob burst out laughing nearly choking. And sat down.

More silence.

Suddenly Emmett cleared his throat. He was about to talk. Uh-oh. He turned to Jacob with a stern look on his face" so Jacob…" he paused." When exactly are you going to tell nessie you sexually harassed Bella." We were all shocked that he had said that. All the while Jacob was nearly choking to death. But then he turned to me. Ahhhhhhhhh... "So Bella where you not afraid of getting in trouble for being involve with some one underage?"

"I didn't-"

"Did you guys not sleep together?"

"Not technically-"

"Sure, sure speaking of sleeping together did you agree to marry Eddie just to sleep together isn't that a bit manipulating. Hmm?"

"Emmett!!" we all yelled astonished

He smirked seeming to like his new hobby. He turned to Rose and smiled. Just as he was about to open his mouth Rose spoke.

"Emmett if you say anything about me I swear to god I'll leave you" she warned. He immediately closed his mouth. And sat down ending his game

I on the other hand was still sputtering almost trembling. Edward hugged my shoulders and whispered in my ear. "Its ok love" he reassured. I nodded stiffly my eyes wide.

Then I got angry "yeah like you're so smart you didn't even know why you couldn't operate your iPod touch!" I snapped at him

"And I still don't know!!"He said getting up matching my tone

"BODY. HEAT" I yelled

"Oh" he said quietly

I sat back exhausted. Everyone was stunned at our exchanged. We stayed quiet for a moment. Then Emmett jumped up "I can act like Bella. "Grrrrrrrrr…

He walked to the middle stood up straight, took exactly one step and fell right on his face. Me jaw dropped everyone was trying not to laugh.

Without one word I stood up and went to the garage door. I picked up a crowbar and swung it at Emmett's windshield making a very satisfying sound. I dusted myself off and went back in and sat down. Everyone looked worried.

"What…was…that?" Emmett asked cautiously

I looked at him sweetly "would you believe it slipped out my hand?"

"Noooo!!!..." Emmett slipped into a ball and began whimpering. Jasper rolled his eyes and kicked him and said" dude be a man" and heard rose mumble something like "big mistake" and "should of left him there"

And I'm still not done with him.

A/n: ohhhh cliffy .ok I know it's short but there will be a part 2 too this night.


	5. Chapter 5 : Scared Stiff

A night at the Cullen's 5 Part 2- scared stiff

Disclaimer: i still don't own anything...yet

I was still furious with emmett he will pay though I already have my plan set up.

Emmett was currently crying and fixing his car in the garage,so i could plan my sweet revenge.

I turned to alice " You owe me a favor" and with that we all began my revenge...

We all had jobs to make this work out perfectly. Edward was on Visual and audible effects. Alice Rose and I was the damsels in distress. Jasper supplied the fear

Emmett was still crying and fixing so he didn't notice everyone getting into places .

Edward was around back getting ready to cut the lights. Jasper got the ashes and the smoke . us girls were speading around the house.

I gave Edward the heads up to start. Right on cue there was a loud crash and the lights cut off and we lets out a blood boiling scream. That got Emmett's attention and he came out the garage his worried .

Another crash and more screams came from the house. I could feel the fear radiating through the house,and us being scared made it all the more believable.

Emmett was definately frightened . now it was time for the first deaths goodbye Jasper and Alice...

" I still don't know why i gotta go first" Alice muttered going to the back of the house. Jasper followed her with ashes and a match. Edward was already ready to kill off his sister.

"no please!!!! i don't want to die!!!!" i heard Alice plead truly feared i was too jasper was making it unbearable"

"no Alice i love you !!!!" jasper yelled. vampires are such good actors. There was a loud ripping sound and i heard them both screaming. i smelt smoke from the fire.

jasper snuck back in to continue to scare Emmett. Alice was now helping Edward. rose is next to die...

there were 2 loud crashed and quiet arguing . i rolled my eyes at Alice and Edward and listened for roses acted.

"ahhhh !!!please don't!!!!emmett--" she was cut by the ripping sound.

"rose!!!!" Emmett snapped out of his trance. i urged jasper to make him hesitant

I sighed time for me and Edward to die...

I walked to the back of the house looking for Edward. after all he was my dieing buddy.

I could still hear Emmett whimpering

Suddenly someone-wrapped their hands around my waist from behind i knew it was Edward but decided to joke with him so i called out " That you mike?!" he growled.

" kidding kidding...ready to die?" i asked causually he shrugged we ran towards the backyard and Rose and Alice were ready i counted off in my head 3-2-1

"noooo!!!please! Edward i love you!!!" i screamed

"Bella!!!! noooooo!!!" he screamed and the ripping sound came again. and the ash smell came.

We gave each other high fives before putting out the fire and going inside quiet looking for Emmett we didn't see him. i looked around for jasper i saw him in the corner shaking with laughter i went over to him

" where's Emmett" i mouthed

he was gasping for air" in.. the ..closet!!" he burst laughing again.

We stalked towards the closet and we did hear Emmett whimpering. I crack it open a little and he scream. Fairly loud I might add. We were all at the door now we swung it open and yelled

"surprise!!!"

to say Emmett was shocked would be an understatement he stayed in there shocked stiff for about 2 days.

* * *

**A/n: I know its really short but the next will be kinda longer - im hoping for at least 10 reviews.**

**so click that button !!...**

* * *


	6. Chapter 6: Vamps,wolves and wigs oh my!

**A/n: Hello my lovely readers this story takes place after emmett got his sanity back. And this is my first story that has jake and nessie!! read on**.

* * *

**Disclaimer: i don't own twilight...but its on my christman list!!**

I was currently watching in horror as emmett tried to learn the "single ladies" dance. Nessie was in my lap laughing and edward tried to block this all out. Alice and jasper were out shopping. Rose was in the garage. Jacob was coming soon. But this maddness had to stop...

"Emmett!! stop! Are you single?Are you a lady? No-So sit Down"I demanded.

"Your just jealous because i do it better then you" he snapped his fingers in a 'z' formation.

"Bite me" I muttered

"Edward already did!" He said loudly

"And James!"Rose chimed in from the garage

"And Nessie" Edward said playing along

"Hell even jasper almost got one in" Jacob said from the door way

"Wow Bella your such a vamp-tramp"Emmett muttered

"What did you call me"I yelled standing up towering over him.

" A Vamp-Tramp"He said standing up as well

I lunged at his troat hunting for his jugular. Before I found it I was pried off him before and real damage. Esme was restraining me until I calmed down. When i did i was sitting next to was still on the floor eyes wide. Jasper walk in and immediatly changed that atmospher.

i felt really weird. dizzy and very calm Too calm...jasper

"Jazz if i was any *cough* calmer i'd be dead"

"oops..."he said

"Will anyone like to explain what happened to my table?" Esme asked...oops

"Shit..." i hissed

emmett head snapped up to me and pointed"mom!! Bella said shit and fuck!!"

"I did not say fuck" i yelled ready to go back a him

"now you did" he smirked i groaned loudly and picked up nessie.

Alice skipped down stairs with a smile on here face.

"Hey guys I was thinking we could go to the fair-" she was cut off Emmett

"FAIR!!!!!!!!! COME ON LET'S GO" he barked and dashed out the house

Two minutes later he came back screaming"COME ON" which was pretty scary.

We were already ready we were just waiting how long it will take to realise he stupidity.

**Meanwhile in the car...**

Edward was driving Jazz was in the passenger seat, Rose Alice and I was in the second row and Jacob Nessie and Emmett were in the third.

" Are we there yet?" emmett asked for the somewhat 30th time since we left.

"No"we answered annoyed

"How about now?"

"shut up leech" jake barked

"jeez mutt don't get to excited or you'll wet the rug." Emmett nuttered

Before jake got anything started i spoke up.

" Come on guys 2 wrongs don't make a right"

" Yeah but 3 rights make a left" emmett said which made jasper burst out laughing

It was silent for once the emmett spoke up"let's sing" no made an effort so he took the lead and started singing shoes by kelly with much to Enthusiasm.

"_Shoes. Shoes. my God. Shoes._

_Let's get some shoes.4x._

_Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Oh, my God, shoes. Shoes. _

_These shoes rule. These shoes suck._

_These shoes rule. These shoes suck!_

_Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Oh, my God, shoes._

_These shoes rule. These shoes suck._

_These shoes suck. These shoes suck!(his voice was slowly rising)_

_I think you have too many shoes. Shut up!_

_I think you have too many shoes. Shut up! _

_I think you have too many shoes. Shut up! I think you have too many shoes. Shut up!_

_Stupid boy. Stupid boy. Let's get some shoes. Let's party_

_. These shoes are three hundred dollars. These shoes are three hundred dollars_

_. These shoes are three hundred FUKING dollars. Let's get 'em! (that was pretty loud)_

_Um...this style runs small. I don't think you're gonna fit_

_. I mean, your feet are kinda big. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, by the way betch(everyone was shying away covering their ears)_

_, FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!!!"_

BY now every one was cowering in the corner while he spased out. He was screaming on the top of his lungs and shaking like was was about exploded. When finished it was dead silent.

"Next is"he paused in thought

"No Emmett"edward said

"What"

"You are now singing let me borrow that top"

"fine them turn in the radio"

I began flipping through the station until Emmett yelled "STOP GO BACK" I groaned and emmett began singing again.

Na, na, na, diva is a female version of a hustla  
Of a hustla, of a, of a hustla  
Na, na, na, diva is a female version of a hustla  
Of a hustla, of a, of a hustla-

I turned it off so he'll shut up. we sat in silence for the rest of the trip. We were all mentally disturbed.

**At the fair... **

We were walking to the entrance and emmett was acting more Alice them Alice was. Which was earning a few stares,probaly questioning his sanity.

" Em remember you need to behave yourself" jasper warned

" Jazz i could handle my self myself i'm completely mature...OH WIGS!!!" he dashed into the crowd to where the wigs are wigs? i don't know.

**5 **minutes and 30 wigs later...

Emmett skipped back with his wigs.

"Why wigs Emmett?" i asked

"Why not " was all he said

We all stared at him before we entered the house off of horrors.

When we entered there was a fair amount of people there all very excited ,they slammed the doors and we began walking through the excitment was so intense I didn't know if Jasper could handle it we rolling in laughter when he began bouncing as peoPle got more and more anxious Jasper was unbelivable when we thought it couldnt get anymore hillarious. But it did

Jasper scremed

Everyone fell silent.

Do you have one of those moment when you see the most funny thing in you life and sware you will never laugh again

This was one of them,

Out of nowhere emmett said'' dude you scream like a girl''

**15 minutes and alot of laughter later...**

I really wanted to go home now . Emmett and Jasper had done alot of damanged already. Oh-well at least nessie is enjoying heself. As I look over to nessie I noticed Jake was not with her I began to look around for him. That's when i heard arguing.. I turned to see Emmett and Jacob arguing with eachother in front of some bowling game.

"Dude i can so beat you"

"Well i'd like to see you try"

"Fine"

"Fine!"

The man behind the stand looked frightened as the went at it . This continues at a remarkable pace for ten minutes. I pitied the man because when they wanted to collect, It would be a heaping amount. There was a long line forming behind them and very impatient.

Some guys even had the guts to shove them aside. They both turned slowly around. Jacob growled sounding very animalistic and Emmett hissed sounding down right scary looked like they where about to eat was a crowd forming even a few people were praying I was astonished at their behavoir.

Istomped over to them,grabbed them by the ears and towed them to the car.

"why is youR issueS-!" i scolded them for 5 minutes until every else came.

We got in the car in silence. Nessie we already asleep. Emmett was figiting was really annoying.

"Can i sing one song?" emmett pleaded

"No" we all yelled

"Please its been in my head all day if you let i swear i'll shut up till we get home"

"fine" we murmured

He cleared his throat and began...

"now i need a hip hop beat--(jacob gave him one)"

_**"isabella kissed a fella and now he's totally sprung-**_(i growled but he ignored me)

_**she was human and he is not not **_

_**and that's what made it hot**_

_**it got wild**_

_**they had a child**_(he pointed to nessie)

_**now he's a sitting duck**_

_**she made her change**_

_**now they're diranged**_

_**because all they do is--"**_

"Emmett!!!"we all yelled

**A/N: There we go. If you seen "shoes" by kelly you'll understand why i picked it for emmett. p.S- i totally made at that song at the end i hope you understand the joke and why they cut him off....anyway hoping for 12 reveiws. P.P.S- Vote on my poll on my profile.**

***~Kay~***

* * *


	7. Chapter 7: 16 things

A Night At The Cullen's 7- 16 things

Edward,Alice,Rose,Esme,and going Left hunting today and tonight leaving me to deal Emmett and Jasper .

I was currently lounging on the couch with Jasper, while Emmett was at the computer looking up something he saw on youtube.

"I got it!" He rejoiced.

"Got what?" Jasper asked before me.

"16 thing to do at Walmart" He began jumping up and down.

I groaned I refuse to go anywhere public with Emmett.

" Come on please? please? please? please?..." This continued at vampire speed for five minutes.

"Fine..." i groaned. Jasper Looked as excited as emmett. Great it was two against one now.

"Print it out and lt's go" Jasper said heading to the car with a camera.

Emmett printed it out and we pulled out of the drive and headed to Walmart.

**~At Walmart~**

"Ok Emmett what are we doing first?" I asked when we were in front of the store.

"hmm..." He read over the list" Number 8"

_**8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,  
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"**_

"Easy" Jasper said and shoved the camera into Emmett's walked through the doors. And a employee already approached him.

"Hello sir, welcome to Walmart, is there anything I can do to help you?" He asked

"Why can't you people just leave me alone!?!?" He exclaimed before dashing down the aisles. Emmett and I were in hysterics and could barely keep the camera in focus.

We caught up Jasper. And Emmett pulled out the paper and began scanning through the list again.  
" Oh i want this one" Emmett declared

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

I shook my head only Emmett could pull this off.

Emmett headed to the fitting rooms and shut the doors ,he waited a while ,then yelled,very loudly."There is no toilet paper in here!"

A while later to employees aproach the door and knocked lightly and spoke in a calm voice" Sir hat is not a restroom please finish your...buisness... in a apropriate place"

Emmett out came skiping"Thanks I always get confused ask Target"

Emmett back and took out the paper again. "Ok here Bella"

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

I rolled my eye =s and went to I was finished I walked back to Emmett and Jasper and waited.

An old lady strolled into the aisle and looked at the clocks.  
A few seconds later the clocks went off in order. Nearly causing the poor lady to have a heart attack. I looked over to the boys and they were in hysterics, I looked over to the lady and she was on the ground.

"OH MY GOD,I KILLED HER I'M GOING TO HELL!!" I panicked, there was a swarm of people around her checking if she was she was when she got up muttering on how she's going to sue the store.

I turned to the guys who were already scanning the page. Short attention span...

"Mine" Jasper declared.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

We walked into the food aisle with similar grimaces. Jasper got Four Large cans of tomatoe juice.

He started making his trail that started out as one large line then parted from eachother to the different rooms.

He came back to us and stood there .

"Well what's suppose to happen?" He asked

"Wait I have an idea..." Emmett said"DUDE MILEY CYRUS IS IN THE BATHROOM!!!"

Everyone can running to the restrooms and began slipping across the floor wildly.

It looked like a massacer. It was hilarious.

Since we were the only ones dry we decided to navigate ourselves to a different place in the store.

Emmett looked at the paper for three seconds."This one"

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,  
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

Before we can say anything he darted off the hide in a jeans did he fit in I'll never know...

The same old lady from eariler approached it.

She picked up one pair.

"No I make you look fat" The "jeans" whispered

She gasped and the jeans back cautiously. She just stood there gaping ,I could tell emmett was getting impatient. He bagan to jiggle a random pair of jeans whispering "Pick me!Pick me!"

The lady picked up the jeans and looked around franticly. She stuck her head further in but emmett already disappered.

He dashed back to us laughing hard.

I took the paper a scanned through and choose"this one"

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.  
I went to the aisle and got some disturbing and surprised looks. I looked around the store, and found some cub scouts. I placed hand fulls in each of their carts and walked away.

I stood by the guys waiting.

"What Is This" The counsoler I assume waving the boxes at the 9 year old looking boys.

I felt kinda bad but before I gave it a second thought I was cut off by Emmett's booming Laughter.I Turned to him and he pointed to Jasper then to the paper.

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..  
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

I burst out laughing too. Emmett Gave me the camera and told me to be right back and he needed to help Jasper.

"Bella please report to the front desk I repeat Bella please report to the front desk."I was confused at fist then i realized why he did it.

"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!" Jasper screamed and assumed the fetal position and began rocking back and forth.

After a while Jasper came back looking smug.

"Top that" He challenged Emmett.

Emmett snatched the paper away from him and read. He pointed to the paper and walked to the auto departmant.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

A few minutes later he came out with everthing moving with him. He did a few laps around the store while people took pictures of him. He changed back and came skipping .

I excitedly scanned the paper till I found something to my liking. I pointed and walk away.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department

I set up a tent and got myself comfortable. I turned to the the first on looker .

" You can join if bring pillows from the bedding section."

At first he stared ,then he headed for the bedind section! I quickly ran before i had a sleep over with a weirdo.

By the time i got back to the Jasper was already walking off.

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "go, pikachu, go!"

He came bame with 5 balls and began throwing them down the aisles.

"GO , pikachu GO!!!"

One of the ball hit someone in the head which onlt made us laugh harder.

He came back please with himself. Emmett was looking the paper with a torn expression on his face. He finnally decided and went headed to lay away.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.  
He slammed them on the counter.

"I would like to put on lay away"

"sir that cost to low it has to have a amount of atleast-"

"are you saying i'm poor and I can't even afford a pack of candy!?!"

"yes yes I am "

"well i'll Take my buisness else were "

Emmett opened the candy and throw it at the mans face and stormed off.

Jasper and I were in hysterics,Emmett actrally looked mad.I Decided to choose something easy .

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.  
I quickly put the sigh down and walked away a few stood there confused and afraid to to walk.

I head back to the boys and Jasper was already gone.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.  
Jasper can up to an employee and aimed it right in his face.

"Do you know where to find so anti-you know depressants" he said in a southern brawl He clicked his gun the guy looked like he was about to soil him self. before he could answer Jasper walked away.

They high fived eachother and emmett took the list he gave it back and turned to the nearest camera.

9. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

He looked in the camera and did and it was quite a too. he finished proudly and came back. I choose the first thing I saw. I walk into the dressing rooms to look the part.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

I came out in all black and began tip toe-ing around the store earning some "do you belong in a asylum" looks.

There was only one more left. And it was a Bit confusing.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,  
" 'Code 3' in housewares".... and see what happens.

Jasper went up to two employees" umm ...yea we got a 'Code 3' in housewares..."

"CODE 3 CODE 3 THIS IS NOT A DRILL I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!" They yelled

"That damn Newton kid is nude again...."

All three of our jaws dropped.

* * *

**A/N-There you go I'm Hoping For 6 Reviews.**

**And "16 things to do in walmart" is a real list i didn't make it but i did make this story.**


	8. Chapter 8 : Questions And Answers

**A/N: Wow That was a long break...well for me .Anyway to the story.**

**

* * *

**

"God that woman is a _bitch!"_ Nessie said sitting down after her day with Jacob.

"Who taught you that word?!" I asked. Before she answered Emmett slammed himself on the couch.

"God that bitch!" He practicly yelled.

"Emmett!!" I yelled.

"What?" He asked.

"Watch your lauguage. Rennesme is taking after you"

"Damn" He muttered.

"Momma"Nessie,said tugging on my shirt" What's a bitch?"

"UH...." I didn't know what to say.

"Its a female Jacob" Emmett explained.

"Like Leah?" She asked.

"Umm...Yeah" Emmett answered." Leah's pretty bitchy"

"Emmett!!" I yelled again.

"Well don't act like you weren't thinking it.

"Well..."

"Ha!"

Edward walked in and pulled Nessie into his lap.

"Daddy" She began

"Hm"

"Leah's a bitch!" She said excitedly ,clapping her small hands together. Edward choked ,then turned to glar at Emmett.

"What? Bella was in on it to!" He pointed his finger at me.

"Did not!"

"Whatever" Emmett muttered" SON OF A BITCH I'M MISSING MY SHOW!!!"

"See!" I said to Edward. Emett grabbed the remote,and flipped to the movie channel. The credits started to play.

"What movie is this?" I asked.

"The Forty year old virgin-" Emmett said,then turned slowly to Edward grinning like an idiot.

"Momma" Nessie said,tugging on my shirt" What's a Virgin?"

"A hundred year old Edward" Emmett answered. We all stared at him.

"What like you weren't thinking it!"

"Well..."

"HA!"

Jasper walked in a sat down.

"Jasper guess what" Nessie said.

"Daddy's a hungred year old virgin!!" She said. Jasper and Emmett roared with laughter while ,Edward scrolled.

"Stop teaching her those words!!" I ordered Emmett.

"Oh their just harmless" He waved it off.

I crossed my arms and pout. Jasper,sensing my mood, crossed his arms and legs and pouted.

"Dude" Emmett said" you look gay."

"Emmett...Words!" I said

"Momma" Nessie said tugging on my shirt"What's gay"

"They way Jasper asks almost all the time." Emmett answered.

"Emmett!!"

"What like you weren't thinking it!"

"Well..."

"HA!"

Alice walked in and sat down.

"Alice guess what!"Nessie yelled.

"What" She said, she didn't look into the futer so Nessie could have her little surprise.

"Jasper's gay!"

Alice paled.

"Well that's not surprised now is it" Emmett muttered.

"Oh now we can shop together" Alice said playing along , bouncing in hypro speed, only truley excited about the shoping.

"Ali" Emmett said" You look high"

"Momma" Nessie said,tugging on my shirt" What's high mean"

"Acting really silly and weird...Just like aunty Ali." Emmett explained

"God Emmett!!" I yelled

"What like you weren't thinking it"

"Well..."

"Ha!"

Carlisle walked in and sat down.

"Carlisle guess what?" Nessie said.

"What" He asked,smiling

"Alice is high!!"

"Well" Carlisle said" Vampires can't get high, and i'm sure she doesn't want to"

"Yeah yeah" Emmett said "We all know your everyone's sexy doctor and knows everything."

"Momma" Nessie said, tugging on my shirt." What's sexy?'

"Someone really pretty" Emmett answered, and I relaxed" Someone like freaks like Jessica, Mike and Lauren, will never be."

"Emmett!" I yelled

"What like you weren't thinking it!"

"Well..."

"HA!"

Esme walked in and sat down.

"Esme guess what?"

"What?" She answered

"Carlisle is sexy!" She yelled

"Oh my...." She sighed

"Oh she knows Nessie" Emmett said " That why they have sex for hours."

"Momma" Nessie said Tugging on my shirt." What's sex?"

"Something Edward had to be a prude about, and waited more then a century to have" Emmett answered.

"Emmett!!" I yelled.

"What like you weren't thinking it!"

"Well..."

"Ha!"

Rosalie walked in and sat down.

"Aunty Rose guess what!"

"What?" She asked

"Daddy get's to have sex now!" She yelled.

She sighed and muttered "Idiot" In Emmetts's direction.

"Momma" Nessie said,tugging on my shirt"What's an idiot?"

"A Emmett." We all Answered.

* * *

**Comment!**

* * *


	9. Chapter 9 :TrickorTreat

"Halloween! Halloween!" Nessie jumped up and down in her vampire costume ,Emmett picked out.

"Emmett wasn't there anything else" I asked

"Oh c'mon tell me that's not funny" He exclaimed

"I can't believe he got to pick out the costumes!" Alice whinned.

"Sorry Alice we drew straws" Esme said.

"Yeah whatever" She muttered, she pouted.

"Can go now please?PLease?Please?" Nessie begged zooming around in her costume ,with her cape it looked like she was flying.

"OK yeah" Edward said " Alice you sure you don't want to come"

He was being polite, though she didn't deserve it. Childishlly she turned her head and torso away from us until we left.

Alice Pov

I got some of Rennesme's doll and dressed them up like are family and began playing.

"Hi i'm Edward,I'm a total stiff and no fun, Edward let's actraully have a good by listening to Alice, No, Bella that would completely horrid of me." I sighed it wasn't as fun without Jasper.

Ding-Dong

The bell rang , I was confused for a minute then I remembered that little human children run around ring peoples doorbells begging for candy.

I walked to the door and opened it.

"Trick-or-Treat!" AWWWW they looked so cute and inocent, with their angelic smiles.

"I'm sorry I don't have candy" I smiled , of cousre they'll understand they look like nice children.

But ,Oh, I was wrong their faces transformed to menancing frown that even made me jump back.

A little girl dressed in an angel costume step forward" Listen lady , Here's how it goes we smile and you give us candy , We can do this the easy way" She paused to step closer" Or the hard way"

"You think i'm afraid of you little brats?" I closed the door , then sat in the living room

The doorbell rang again , When I opened it they were still standing in the same positions.

"OK Lady we're going to cut you some slack this year,alright. Now we do take money orders" She smiled.

"Excuse me! I 'm not giving you money" I slammed the door fumming.

When the door rang again I rushed up to answer it to give them a piece of my mine.

When I opened it no was there . I stepped out looking around and saw nothing. I stepped out further and the door slammed shut behind me. I cursed . I went around back ,I had to go in human speed , Just in case the kids were still out Back door was wide open, I stepped and tried the lights. They were dead, I sighed. I heard shuffeling behind me I spun around and saw the children standing still and staring at me.

"Trick- Or -Treat"

I sighed in defeat

"Do you take checks?"


End file.
